Thursday, July 21, 2011

Summer 2011: Why So Good?

For some reason, I've had the best summer of my life, which really doesn't make sense. I haven't done or gone any where special, I've spent more time than typical alone, and dealt with a Canadian Idiot; who's name shall be with held.(, kind of irrelevant but my mind leads me to this song).

Whyyy So Good?

With a little thinking, and procrastination of more important projects, I realize it's because I've had a lot of firsts this summer. Even though all of these didn't turn out well, I still believe each of them, except maybe one I'm still questionable on, was worth my time. The moral of this blog is to try new things in order to have an awesome life! Or something close to what the hell have I been up to?

~First lottery ticket, alcohol, and cigarette purchase rolled up into one evening. What can I say? Girls will be girls. For those of you who don't know me, this was kind of a big deal. I've never gambled, smoked, or drank a notable amount of alcohol. So it's about time! Bored one evening, my friends and I decided why not? Plus the excitement of um, er...never mind...was more exhilarating. Thank goodness I forgot to take all my meds that day, so it worked out quite conveniently. Anyhow, I only got buzzed off of a good time with friends, NOT the alcohol, won a dollar with a one dollar scratcher, and smoked one cigarette, and yes, I am of age. Now let me tell you something, don't even try smoking, it really is addicting. But I know you won't listen, haha, just like I didn't. Oops. Oh well, I only smoked the one and have not touched the rest, though I haven't thrown them away...sometimes I really want one, or a drink for that matter, when I'm feeling really down. As for the booze, it was basically a first for all three of us. We sat in circle passing it around after each sip like a peace pipe until it was gone. We rolled around in the grass talking and laughing, because we are so totally hippies. Then we ate ice cream.

~Loved, lost, and learned. So, you're probably still wondering wtf about this Canadian Idiot. In a nutshell I, ahem, dated, a Canadian dude who turned out be a complete jackass with no backbone, I mean, an idiot... Anyhow, it was amazing, blah, blah, blah...the end. Happy 4th of July to me! Anyhow, I'd say it was the most serious relationship I'd been in, so I took it a little hard. But I think I really loved him at the time; and that was a first. It was all good, the butterflies, loss of appetite, giddiness, but then it took a turn for the worse. I finally learned the meaning of 'love is blind.' For some reason I never understood it. Boy, can I see clearly now. No, not really, still a little foggy. But I learned relationships involve risks, so maybe I should not risk so much so soon. I think I learned a lot more than this, but I really can't put it into words. Once you experience it, you know.

(I feel like Carrie Bradshaw right now...)

~My name is Erin, and I cut myself...but it turned into tattooing. Feeling quite down in my mid-break up stooper (he dragged it out), I decided why not. I've friction burned myself in the past, so lets just try something new for a change. Heh, here's the funny part. See, I may be an idiot, but I'm also a nerd. I know that the rock obsidian (extrusive, igneous, solidified lava) also known as volcanic glass, is very fine grain and makes precise cuts leaving very little scar tissue. So of course I have obsidian lying around, who doesn't? I chip some off with a block of sandstone and now I have a blade, all natural too--I'm going green. Oh the things you learn in college. Anyhow, a few tiny slices and I see a star. After two more depressed sessions, I end up with a little star drawn into me with obsidian and India ink (non-toxic fyi) Sure, it's a little sloppy, but I love it. I always thought about getting a tattoo, but I just did it. No worries. Unless I get some kind of ink poisoning or something... And for those of you who don't really understand self-mutilation or whatever its called, it's because the emotional pain is too much to handle and a physical pain or punishment is much better to cope with and serves as a distraction. I know I shouldn't do it. But leave me alone. For more information or would like to help:

~I _______ _______ there. You can fill in the blanks.

~I met a great new friend on the internet. Yes, the internet. Not hanging out with friends as much had left with little to do, so I fooled around on the wonderful world wide web, aka skypecontacts. It's just random instant messaging, luck of the draw, or who you click on. I almost didn't give this guy a chance. Age discrimination...yes I did, and I judged him instantly as a pedophile or creeper. But for some reason my better judgement left me, as it has been lately, no joke, so I gave him a chance. He is awesome and we're like BFFs. I know right, so random. And you're probably thinking I'm stupid. But I don't care any more. I've learned I got to be my own best friend. (Thank you Beyonce.)

~I've learned so much about sex and men. Wow. And I never got any. That's all the elaboration here, though still worth mentioning.

~I had my first real car crash with my three best friends. We travelled two hours out in order to shop. Had a wonderful lunch at Olive Garden, then to the mall. Whoops. Re-ended someone. Car totalled. Bruises, no one hurt. (For the record, I wasn't driving.) Now in case you haven't noticed, I laugh at the worst things. I was jerked forward, saw the hood in our face, and tried so hard not to laugh. It's awful. I'm afraid people who don't know me will think I am a complete jerk. But I guess it's a coping mechanism for me. Anyhow, I got to call 911, and got a ride to McDonald's in a cop car and got weird looks. It was awesome. Three firsts all at once. Oddly enough, I enjoyed it.

~So far I lost eleven pounds.

Maybe all this seems silly and most likely stupid, but I have enjoyed myself for the most part. I think I've just been torn up so bad on the inside, I've just subconsciously decided be a little crazy. Like that will fix anything, haha.

Now looking back on what I wrote, you'll probably get the wrong impression of me just so you know. No worries. I'm not here find help or finger-wagging. Just here to share my experiences and thoughts!


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